Reveal – #writephoto

Reveal_

Reveal

Foundation, firm,
yet clearly troubled,
given his demeanor
of inconsistencies.

Greater concern for
the attic of his thoughts,
barn swallows freely nesting,
dancing in the light of his eyes.

Oh, there is life there, yet,
but great care must be taken,
sweeping cobwebs and straw
from the farthest reaches.

There is more to that light
than just madness,
as the light touching
those recesses reveals.

The photo is provided in Thursday photo prompt – Derelict #writephoto at Sue Vincent’s Daily Echo.

A comment by Daniel Tijuana has led me to the following revision:

Reveal

Foundation, firm,
yet clearly troubled,
given his demeanor
of inconsistencies.

Greater concern for
the attic of his thoughts,
barn swallows freely nesting,
dancing in the light of his eyes.

Oh, there is life there, yet,
but great care must be taken,
sweeping cobwebs and straw
from the farthest reaches.

There is more than madness
in those eyes,
as the light touching
the recesses reveals.

writephoto

Advertisements

34 thoughts on “Reveal – #writephoto

  1. Van Gogh is resonant in the photo, now that I read the comments. This is almost what he might have been like, had he lived to become old. On the critic side, I do not like the use of the word “light” twice in the last stanza. 😦 . . . may a synonym like radiance or beam or shine or……

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. If I have an idea for a prompt response, I tend to rush it, rather than letting it sit and going back for edits. I’m glad that Daniel brought this to my attention. He and I have had plenty of discussions about poetry, and I have a feeling there will be more in August, since he will be visiting for the eclipse.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Reveal – from rivrvlogr #writephoto | Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

  3. This was a wonderful response to the prompt, Ken–such a great analogy. I really like this it, and I can also see van Gogh or someone like him, or someone with dementia. The change to the last stanza is perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Photo prompt round up – Derelict #writephoto | Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s